"roughing it" for beginners

It's about wearing sneakers with short socks, the puffy vest and a utility purse*. Jewelry is too flashy, makeup seems inappropriate and comfort is top priority. The wilderness vacation is the antithesis of the glamourous Sex in the City vacation that I always seem to think I'm going on.

I still pack my obnoxiously large hats, gold necklaces, jeweled sandals and printed maxi dresses in the off-chance we'll "go out to dinner" or take a fabulous evening boat ride. These treasured items never leave my meticulously-packed suitcase. In the off-chance I do get to wear my large hat, I am often shunned by those around me, despite my desperate need for "sun protection" (and glamour!). Big hat = big personality.

From khaki shorts to a screen-printed Hanes beefy-T, I am never too cool to sleep in a cabin or "rough it" on a "hike". I apply sunscreen in large doses and mascara in small doses. I'll wear lumpy braids or even go out with wet hair, possibly even in pajama pants or slippers (I have hard and fast rules of never wearing any of the things in this sentence outside of my home).

Growing up with my parents and taking trips across the American midwest in our RV, I have far too many dorky, non-smiling photos in my repertoire. Why couldn't I have dressed on my camping vacations the way ironic hipsters do now? Off-the-shoulder raw-cut sweatshirts with black skinny jeans cut into shorts. Dirty converse (no socks) and a messy bun. Ray Bans and a holey vintage tank top. Woven bracelets and souvenir tees cut into crop tops. Instead, my dad could never seem heed my one and only request, "Don't get my shoes in the picture!"

Mammoth Hot Springs, 1999

Here's a picture of me being useful, holding the binoculars. At least I'm smiling and my shoes aren't in the picture (they were dorky Sketchers sneakers). Also, I have on an Abercrombie baby tee, which I hear were very popular at the time.

*By "utility purse" I hope you know I meant fanny pack.