A blow out is not simply having dry hair blown on with a blow dryer. It's a haircut without the cut or style. It's just the washing and drying. I guess there is also the element of conversation between hairdresser and client, though I always struggle with the drying part. Should I shout over the dryer to continue my story or patiently wait? I have been humiliated countless times while telling a story over a blow dryer's roar only to have it turned off as I'm explaining the most awkward part of the story - "...AND SHE WAS NAKED!" Regardless, it makes no sense to me and my stick-straight, air-dryed hair why ladies would pay for this, but they do - in droves. On a related note, I have never been to a blow-dry bar.
Truffle oil is not chocolate sauce made out of melted chocolate truffles. It comes from mushrooms and it's very expensive. I can't tell the difference between "good" or "cheap" truffle oil, but I do know that I still don't like mushrooms. Sometimes it's in gourmet macaroni and cheese, but I find that it only adds a "smelly socks" element to my favorite dish. I wish it were actually a liquid chocolate dessert item AND I wish I could pour it on everything, including the macaroni and cheese.
According to everyone I've ever met who has ever set foot on an LA street, it is possible to get a ticket for jaywalking, no matter what you're doing. Cutting corners on a crosswalk, crossing after the hand starts flashing or even running to make the crosswalk before the hand starts flashing are all infractions. As a driver, you can get a ticket for not giving a pedestrian enough time to get thru the crosswalk, for going even if the walker doesn't have the right way, or for not slowing down for a jaywalker. As both a driver and a pedestrian on a daily basis, this has made me an overly paranoid driver/walker and has caused me to miss many a crosswalk, turn signal and I'm sure, a fab celebrity sighting, if I had jaywalked across the street. Of course, all ticketing depends on if the cops are watching; I'm convinced that the one time I do jaywalk/cut off a crosswalker, I will be arrested. However, I've also seen cops blatantly ignore crosswalks and plow through them while texting, so where does that fit in?
Firefighters moonlight as actors/male models who are hired to respond to middle-of-the-night fire alarms at apartment buildings. They walk around shirtless (but in the suspender pants), carrying axes, asking, "Where's the fire?" after they do a little spin and wink. Ok, not really, but I have never seen a bad-looking member of the LAFD. Even the older ones with the fire-chief style mustaches look like distinguished male leads from action movies. Someone should investigate this.
Rain in Los Angeles means that there will be biblical flooding in the right lane of any road. The caved-in, nearly negatively angled outer lanes, which are mainly used for parking between the hours of 10-4, house storm drains that apparently lead to nowhere. The drains are clogged up in a matter of minutes, leaving drivers helplessly floating toward the next intersection. Freeways are just as bad, as deep puddles under overpasses are special slippery surprises to the unsuspecting motorist. I shudder at the memories of flooring it through deep water and thinking ,"This is it!" while remembering that no matter what, I cannot stop and let the idle car suck in water like a Brita filter. Contrary to what the Oregon Trail computer game may have taught you, you should not ford the river on Washington Blvd.
Lastly, I've learned nobody walks in LA, except for me (and nobodies).
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